There is nothing better...

Some friends at work were going to see a movie tonight, and although it was extremely nice of them to invite me along, I of course declined because I don't have a sitter for James.  For a little while at work I was thinking about how much I really loved going to the movies... just a simple life pleasure of mine but always one of my favorite things to do... and I got a little (ok, I have PMS right now... I got REALLY) bummed knowing that those days of just randomly going out to a movie are long over for quite a while.

But at the end of the day---extremely tired and ridden with a headache from yet another monotonous and uneventful day at work, just feeling like plain crap because I've had a sour day and knowing I wouldn't be able to go see a movie I wanted to see--- I drive to pick my boy up from school and as soon as I open the door to his classroom, he spots me from across the room and greets me with a smile.  He has no idea that earlier today during my lunch break I came by to see how his day was going and to play for a few minutes, but he was taking a nap.  He's just genuinely happy to see me.  And his smile doesn't leave his face until he's in my arms and out the door.

And when we get home to our uber messy house that needs to be desperately clean, with orange spit up stained on my shirt from when he burped on me outside, and regardless of the fact that I'm exhausted, worn out, starving--- I get him comfortable, let him relax while I take the dogs out to pee, then I give him a nice warm bubble bath and massage him extra longer this time than I normally do (even rub his little temples).  I then fix his dinner and feed it to him, then we play and read our bedtime story, just like we do every night.  Then--- at this point I'm beyond exhausted--- tuck him in bed and sing him goodnight, and before he closes his eyes to go to sleep, he looks at me and smiles.

And I realized that there is no movie that could ever be better than the way I just spent my evening. :)

(James in his jammies reading his night night book)

What a week....

Friday:  Me and James are both sick
Sat-Sun:  same stuff, think we are getting a bit better, still feeling like crap
Monday:  we decided to stay home since Daddy flew out early that morning and we were still feeling a bit poopy.
Tuesday:  felt ok, James went to school and I went to work.
Wednesday: woke up with a vomiting and excruiating migraine (I've been lucky and hadn't had one in a while, this took me by surprise).  James thankfully is in a good mood and feeling ok so I took the pain killers the doc gave me for the migraine.  Tried to go to work during lunch, dropped James off at school, but was so drugged up at work I felt sick to my stomach so I went home two hours later.  Went to sleep that night with a throbbing head...
Thursday:  Thank GOD, we both felt pretty good and James went to school and I went to work.  We are both still congested from our cold last weekend but nothing that would keep us away.
Friday:  James wakes up at 0330 screaming (not like him) because he can't breathe he's so congested.  I spend about 2-3 hours lying in the bathroom with the hot shower on to get some steam to heal his congestion.  This is the only time he has slept and wakes up crying whenever I try to move out of the bathroom.  Called in at work saying i'm going to be late, I was super tired.. he ate some brekky and finally went back to sleep for an hour.  I get ready for work, thinking he'll be good... he woke up crying and i gave him some oatmeal and fruit, and he didn't want to finish eating and the screaming fits start up again and i check his temperature and its over 100 degrees!  Gave the poor boy some Tylenol, sang and rocked him to sleep, and now... finally... he is getting good rest.  But had to call work and tell them I wasn't coming in today.

And to top it off?  I'm home alone... Jacob is gone for 2 weeks.  I'm feeling so down in the dumps... its been a really rough week and i've exhausted all of my sick leave, haven't really gotten a single thing at work done this week, i'm so worried that my performance is dropping since I've gone back to work.  I love working, its made me much happier since I started back... but I didn't realize how much of a toll James would take on my time and me working full time.  If its not his doctors appointments or his physical therapy or his babysitter bailing on me on moments notice or him getting sick and needing to stay home, or getting his shots updated... i've got medical issues that I need taken care of too, and errands like spending my morning at the DMV to get my car registered and getting passport for James, my parents are divorcing and my family is falling apart so that is on the back of my mind most of the time.... i'm just worn out.  I have been struggling with my medication doseages after the pregnancy, trying to get my ADD and post partum depression under control.  PPD has improved greatly since going back to work, but with all this going on with my family back in SC it's taken a toll on me.  Some days when I take the ADD meds I am really good and calm and really productive at work, and others when I dont take it because I want to eat that day or I forget to take it, I'm overly hyperactive and never get anything done and I'm so afraid my boss and coworkers notice.  I'm late to work nearly EVERY day because its so hard getting everything together in the mornings, by the time I get myself ready, walk the dogs, feed James, get him ready, get him to the car, drive 20 min to work, take him into school... its freaking 8:30-9:00... when I should have been to work at 7:30!!  I come to work hungry, with wrinkled clothes on, unwashed hair and no makeup... usually eat snack cakes and have a coke for breakfast how healthy and professional is that!?  I usually skip lunch since I came in late, then pick up James and by the time we get through traffic on the way home, its 5:30-6:00, i'm tired, I feed and bathe him, spend a few waking moments with him, and I crash.  Jacob fixes dinner that I'm usually too tired to eat, I never get a chance to work out and exercise because i'm too rushed in the morning and too exhausted in the evenings... this isn't how i pictured it!!!

UGH, i just needed a vent.  I'm worn out and so exhuasted over working full time and parenting full time... I just want to be able to balance them both.  I feel I'm doing a good job with James, but I feel my work is slacking tremendously, and it sucks because I want nothing more than to be there and giving 100% everyday because I enjoy it, but it seems like whenever I go to bed the night before with a plan on making tomorrow work smoothly, it never does.

I was going to take my computer home and work this weekend, but I think I'm going to relax and get myself together and recover from this GODAWFUL week.  Maybe schedule an appointment with my therapist to talk about balance in everything... I want to be 100% wife, 100% mommy, 100% employee (gah, I haven't even had time for friends lately, i'd like to dedicate a percentage to that too)... I'm not sure how I can sanely go about doing it all and doing it all well and being happy.

Poo.... i just needed to vent.  i'm sleep deprived and stressed.  James just woke up so I need to tend to him.  I'm glad I was able to blog for a little bit and get some stuff off my chest!!

Nobody wants to pway wif me......

So, Jacob is gone for two weeks and with baby in bed by 7pm,  I'm completely bored!  So I love browsing ebay and blogs and etsy and forums already when there's nothing to do to see what I can find (eh, such a cheap and easy way to keep me entertained for hours!), but a friend of mine introduced me to island ads in guam.  I needed to put some stuff up for sale anyway, but I got to browsing all of the ads while watching America's Next Top Model tonight, so I thought I'd share a few that stood out to me!  ENJOY!

For Sale:
Make offer to buy burial plot worth $4,500. Ask for Diana


I have two and don't need this one. Selling it for $10 FIRM. Contact seller. Thank-you! (This is in reference to a plastic toddler training potty... gross... and the price is FIRM, go figure!)


CALL ME IF INTERESTED THANKS FOR VIEWING MY ADD PRICE LOWERED GRAPHIC CARD FOR THOSE WHO ARE COMPUTER FREAKS LIKES TO DESIGN PICTURES CAN US THIS GRAPHIC CARD NOW 40.00 EACH


brand new amplifier never been used i mean never i got it for $250 but im gonna let it go for $150 its a 300 watt blue and silver pyramid for you car has the input and output its for like both u can use a sub or just regular speakers it gots the controls and stuff so just call me at ***-**** just ask for boomer


heels: $10 for both


Each book in great condition with colorful illustrations. Buy each for 5 dollars or all three for only 12 dollars. Great reading if you are a history buff. Each book is 1972 but they are history books about things that happen hundreds of years ago and not in 1972.


I have 12x Bottles of Brand New Hand Sanitizer - each bottle is 8 oz! $3.50/bottle


Wanted:
Do you know how to play Metallica? If so, please call ***-**** and let's get together!


I'm looking for anyone who can jailbreak my iPhone 3G 3.1.3 firmware 05.12.01...I'm really not good at doing it myself and I was hoping if anyone out there can. I'm willing to pay once my iPhone is JAILBROKEN. So please if anyone that can help contact me at ***-****.


Between the age of 25 and 45 in good fair shape and looks, Must have a car and job or money.honest and dependible,kids are ok.


i am looking for a baby moon rim cover because i used to have a set but i lost one in the road so please i need one rim cover.

Another vacation, coming up!

I am going to a GIS training at Naval Base Yokosuka, Japan in a couple weeks, and Jacob and James are going to meet me at the end of my training and we are going to spend a long weekend in Tokyo!  The boys booked their flights and we are going to stay in a suite at the Hilton Tokyo in Shinjuku.  I am SO excited.  I hope we get to see everything we wanted to see, Tokyo is extremely expensive and we will probably use to travel in the more budget friendly Asian countries in the future.  Since we both travel a lot with our work, and its so expensive to fly off the island, Jacob and I try to make the most when one of us goes TDY to a cool location.  My coworkers are trying to teach me the bare minimum Japanese, so I'm very grateful for that!  I seriously cannot WAIT to take pictures pictures pictures there!

John

There's nothing like seeing quintessential Guam at its finest.  In the midst of a completely technological and modern world, it's rare for most of us to see people going back to their original roots.  Not in Guam.  Many of the older locals embrace the simpler era thats long gone, and I'm lucky when I get a photo op of it.

This is John, he lives in Asan and we pass him walking his carabao, Cindy along Marine Corps Drive at least once a week.  He used to walk his goat with her but he said about a year ago someone stole him.  You now see him with his dog but here recently, his dog likes to ride on top of Cindy as they walk along Rt. 1.  I've passed them three times and never had my camera with me, so this entire week I've taken my camera bag to work with me just in hopes of being able to pull over and take a couple shots of them.  Today on my way home, I got lucky!  They were nice enough to pose, and John was a real sport and even took a picture of me with his friends.  He asked if I had any kids in the back of my car because he gives them free carabao rides... maybe next year James!

         

                   

Watch out Masters...

I think James will like to golf just like his daddy!

311 Concert

Finally a good band came to Guam a few weeks ago.  We didn't have a babysitter, and the concert was outdoors, so we took James anyway.  We took our beach tent and parked in the back so it wouldn't be too loud.  I don't think it would have mattered, he slept right through it all!!  We had a good time, and its nice knowing that our little man is very chill and relax

(I had to get him a cute beanie to wear to the concert!)  He completed the outfit with a red onesie and quicksilver sandals.

(dont tell me my kid is a light sleeper... it was loud, and he's passed out as soon as the band came on until the end of the show!!)