Well, I survived...

... my first week of work as a career mommy!

Can I first start off by saying that I am amazed at how much time I wasted before I had a baby??  I can't believe that before I got pregnant I actually used to come to work and be tired and get the opportunity to come home and lounge around?!  What was I complaining about!!

My days now begin at 4:45 in the morning (i usually don't roll out of bed until 5 though).  I walk the dogs and then get myself ready and grab something to eat.  I wake James up at 6am, get him dressed and feed him, and then we are out the door by 6:45 so I can get to Amy's house by at least 7:15, and in my office by 7:30am.  Lunch is spent doing errands, and I get off work at 4:30, pick James up and get home around 5:00-5:30ish depending on traffic.  I give him a bath, and he gets an evening massage and bonding time after bath, then I feed him and we get to play until around 7:30pm when he gets tired for bed.  Then, I quickly scrounge up something for dinner or order out, make bottles for the next day, repack his diaper bag, get my clothes pressed and lunch made for work the next day... and finally get to sit down around 9:00 to relax.  I am usually in bed by 10:00 now so I won't be so tired the next day.  HOLY CRAP i used to have so much free time... those days are LONG gone!

I am actually surprised at how well I handled leaving him with the sitter, it was easy!  I broke down in the car on the 2nd day of dropping him off, but eased up on myself and told myself not to feel guilty.  I know he's in good hands and is having a nice day, and it makes me feel better that I am off doing my own thing at work and reclaiming some of my identity that got lost after having the baby.  I feel much more healthier, even after a week, because my days are spent so structured and productive.  I'm not very good at self motivation so when I was staying home with James it was very very hard to get a routine.  Now I'm forced in one and it makes me happy to have structure.

I was SOOO worried about whether or not I was making the right choice to go back to work or stay home with James, but I am so content with the choice I made!  I love working and I love my job... and I guess I felt guilty because I didn't know if that meant that I loved my job more than I love rearing my child... but I realized thats not the case.  I spend my days doing the job I love like I always did, the only difference now is that when I come home I have an entirely new role to play as a mother, and I love that just as much!!

I realized after staying home with James for 4 months, although nice and relaxing, ultimately made me lazy and crabby because I was cooped up and did not have a schedule and felt that the only thing I was all day was "mom."  Although I'm a mother now, I also have talents and knowledge that I enjoy pursuing and because I have a child that doesn't mean I should give those up.  I felt really really guilty at first, but I'm content with my decision now.  I hope it continues to go well from here!!

No pictures obviously, but it is a 3 day weekend and I'm behind 2 weeks of my Project 52, so hopefully I'll have some new pictures posted over the weekend!

For now, an lolcatz will have to suffice....  I thought this one was appropriate since I'm brining in my own paycheck now... Jacob doesn't have to worry about this pertaining to me anymore! :)

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Already apologizing...

I've only had this blog for a week now and I'm already apologizing for not keeping it updated!  For the past week I've been plagued with migraines, even spent my entire Friday in the ER begging for drugs to get rid of what was possibly the worst headache I've ever experienced in my life.  I had James with me, and he didn't make a peep the entire time we were there.  He is truly an amazing little baby.  I have an appointment to talk to the doctor about them tomorrow, hopefully to find the cause and maybe get on some preventatives.  I've had migraines since I was a child... however I've noticed ever since I've given birth they have been more frequent and more intense.  I will do ANYTHING to not get them anymore, they are horrible.

So... with that being said... I do not have any photo updates or really anything to blog about.  I start back to work tomorrow... I've been on maternity leave since September 2009 (I had over a month of leave saved and the federal government offers employees 12 weeks of unpaid job protected leave... so I took every bit of it!).  I've got those first day of school jitters!  I'm nervous about starting back, I've never been out of work for this long.  James will be going to Amy's (a friend of ours and also a certified child development home provider) so I feel really great about his situation during the day... but it is very hard letting him go.  I've truly enjoyed the time I was able to spend at home with him... but I'm looking forward to going back to work and getting out of the house.

I'll give an update on how my first week of work went, along with the prognosis of my migraines.  Cheers to all!  I feel the need to post a photo, so hows about a lolcatz to bring in the start of a new work week!  I have a feeling this is going to be my mood come tomorrow morning:

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addicted...

Ok, those last pictures of James turned out just too cute, so I needed to take more.  I'm addicted to seeing his little smile!!  He's almost grown out of this outfit, and he's never worn it... so I at least needed to take a picture of him in it before it's too late.  Still playing around with the settings on my camera and the available light in my house... I'm not having an easy time with focusing my lens or the color cast on his skin... post processing can only go so far.  I tried using a "reflector" today... it worked out nicely I think (not as much shadow as in my previous ones), considering I used my car window visors as my reflector... I just taped it to the chair James was sitting in!  Man, the things we think of when we're on a budget!! (but don't tell Jacob it worked out well, then I won't be able to justify going out and buying the real thing!) :)

Oh well, they aren't technically the most acceptable portraits... but I wanted to share these because I think he looks just so beautiful!  He must take after me.... (hahahahaha)

Thanks for lookin!

Srsly people????

My husband, God bless him, gives a car dealership back in South Carolina our real phone number instead of making up a bogus one!  He was doing this thing on USAA that finds the best deal on a certain make and model around a given zipcode.  I'm guessing it was required you list a telephone number... ok, thats fine... make one up!  Why?  Because those people are like vultures and will not stop calling until they get to speak to you about buying a car.  What's worse?  The idiot salesmen in South Carolina don't take into account that Guam is a different time zone!!  For the past 5 nights in a row we have been woken up by different numbers from the same area code, and they leave a message and John Smith from Honda in Easley would like to talk to us about our inquiry we submitted.  GRRR... next time give questionnaires like that a fake address/phone number... they say they don't solicit your number but they totally do!

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{Project 52} 1/52

Ok, well it really should be Project 365 but let's face it, I'm going to set myself up for failure if I even attempt to take pictures every day.  As much as I would love to, I know I'm not going to have the time... so I'm doing what a lot of people on the Flickr and photography community are doing and starting a Project 52... you take pictures once a week for an entire year.  It's not only supposed to get you practicing but also to document the year and get you to try new techniques.  I hope I can learn a lot and keep it up.  So.... at least by every Sunday I will try to have a new picture up that I tried for my project that week.  For my first week, I used my favorite subject... James!  He's nearly 4 months old already!

I've been wanting to put together some portable studio equipment at home for the sole purpose of taking pictures of James... but after figuring out what lighting equipment I need and finding the lens I want to buy... I realized I need to go back to work first before I purchase them!  So today, I did things the poor man way... I opened the blinds and put a solid blanket over a chair and put James in it!  I'm so happy he smiled for me.  I think I needed to use a reflector to eliminate the shadows you see on the right side of his face... perhaps I'll try that next time!

Thanks for stopping by! :)

Parents never cease to amaze me....

Yes, I know I need to train my dogs.  BoBo (the miniature pinscher) is a complete ass and he's mean.  I know this.  He is a very fiesty little guy and very protective... its in his nature.  BoBo likes three people on this planet... me, Jake, and James.  He will learn to like others if they are in the house, but it will take time at first (ask Luke!)  Everyone else is a threat to him because he feels the need to guard us.

However, I still do not understand how you as a parent can let your child come up to a dog and want to play and touch it.  I'm trying to pull my dog back and telling your kid "no no" and you just stand there and smile because you think it's funny (for some strange reason) that a dog is choking itself on the leash because he's so pissed that a stranger is coming towards me.  Then my dog tries to take a snap at your kid for putting his hand near his face, your kid starts crying because he's scared, and then you give me the look of "go eat shit and die you monster" as you finally pull your kid away!  I'm shocked!!  I'm minding my own business lady, just walking my dogs and trying to get back upstairs to my apartment.  I'm sorry we have to be in passing, I even try and cross the road and wait for you to come outside the gate before I come in... yet for some reason you're an IDIOT and don't give a damn while your kid comes running up to pet my dogs!  How about when my dog actually bites your kid?  Now, I have to put my dog to sleep and I have a lawsuit over my head when if you were monitoring your child as I'm trying to control my animal this would have never happened?  (yes, i know at times many moms will say its almost the same... its not... dogs are dogs... children are human beings... dogs instinctively are protective and will guard... mothers and fathers should do the same with their young.)

I understand my dogs are small and cute, but that does NOT mean that they are approachable.  Please, teach your children to be wary of any animal, big or small, because you don't know the nature of this animal and it's better to be safe than sorry.  When I had my dobermans, they wouldn't hurt a fly, and everyone was frightened of them.  Now I have two small dogs, and everyone wants to pet them and they are very unfriendly dogs.  Living in this condo, I deal with this DAILY... and yes, its embarrassing that I can't take my dog on a walk without him wanting to bite someone that walks next to me and i'm working on it... but do me a favor and monitor your child and don't let him just run up to my dogs and want to play.  They DON'T want to play back!

I am responsible and keep my dog on a leash for safety reasons... dare I say put a leash on your chlid for the same???

Oh, and please, if we so happen to be on the elevator together, don't just stare at BoBo and smile and think its funny when he barks at you.  You moron, don't you know that animals HATE to be stared at straight in the eyes?  So you can imagine that its torture for this little beast to have some stranger in close proximity to his master and just staring.  Please, I'm asking nicely...stare at the celing or something... don't aggravate him anymore than he already has been.

In the meantime, I will work on training my dog....  ONLY if you work on training your kid....

Hope I didn't offend anyone with this rant... no wait... this is my blog and exactly why I wanted a blog... so I can say what I want without getting banned.  Sweet!!!  (no but seriously, my intention was to not offend anyone, only make everyone more aware!)

I told myself I wasn't going to be one of those moms...

I told myself lots of times that I wouldn't let James watch any of those stupid kids tv shows they have out now... and of course... I do it anyway because its so hot outside during the day and I've run out of things to do with a 4 month old who cannot sit up or talk yet.  So, with that being said... James just has to love the most retarded  show since Teletubbies......Yo Gabba Gabba on Nick Jr.  It comes on for one whole hour in the morning and its become a daily routine.  He loves it when DJ Lance Rocks says "Yoooo Gabba Gabbaaaaa!" and his favorite character is Muno, the red cyclops.  How do I know?  He smiles and squeals when he sees them, and then during the rest of the show he will "talk."  I will have to get out the video camera and record him doing it... its hilarious!

For those who haven't seen Yo Gabba Gabba before.... here's a clip from one of the episodes that James really liked:  the little green guy is Brobie and he's a little on the slow side (trust me, I've been doing my research... haha)

(....kill me now....)

Yo Gabba Gabba! (There's a Party in my Tummy !)
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